Mindful Breathing: Techniques for Finding Calm

One of the questions I ask all my clients in the first couple of sessions is about the coping skills they use, what works, what doesn’t, and areas we can work on together. Inevitably, we land on the idea of using mindfulness techniques to help their mood. When I start teaching these techniques, I almost always begin with mindful breathing, but I often hit a roadblock with most clients.

The exchange usually goes like this:

Me: "Have you ever tried breathing techniques?"

Client: "Yeah, but it doesn't work for me."

Me: "Oh? Can you tell me about your experience with it?"

Client: "Well, I haven't really tried it."

In today's world, where "mindfulness" and "meditation" are buzzwords, this isn't surprising. Many have dabbled with meditation apps or tried to take a deep breath without truly grasping the emotional undercurrents. It's this misunderstanding that leads most people to believe that mindful breathing simply "doesn't work."

So, here's the secret to making breathing techniques work for you: give them a genuine chance. You need to actually proactice them. The more often you practice, the better they work. It's that simple. Like any other skill, it can take time to get comfortable with it and see that it is helpful.

While breathing techniques aren't magic spells for discomfort, they come pretty close. Why? Because it's nearly impossible not to feel more relaxed and reduce anxiety when you practice them. The research backs that up too. The key lies in their ability to slow your heart rate by calming your breathing. Think of it as a clever way to trick your brain into a state of relaxation. Simple, yet profound!

There's an array of breathing techniques available; all you need to do is find your favorite. Here are a few of mine:

Square Breathing

As the name suggests, it's as simple as a square. Here's how you do it:

1. Pick a number, preferably between 4-8, to start with.

2. Inhale for that number, imagine a line being drawn in your mind for that number

3. Exhale for the same number, imagining the next line of the square

4. Keep the same pattern going, imagining in your mind completing the square

5. Continue making the square as long as you need as you breathe

Triangle Breathing

Just like square breathing, it's named after its shape. Here's the breakdown:

1. Choose two numbers - one lower and one higher (e.g., 4 and 8).

2. Inhale (e.g., for 8), imagine a line being drawn in your mind for that number

3. Hold your breath (e.g., for 4), imagine the next line as you hold

4. Exhale (e.g., for 8), close the triangle in your mind with this breath

5. Keep visulizing the triangle as long as you need as you breathe

Paced Breathing

This one's a personal favorite because it activates our parasympathetic nervous system, responsible for calming us down and reducing the fight-or-flight response. Here's how it works:

1. Select two numbers, with one being at least two beats longer than the other (e.g., 5 and 8).

2. Inhale (e.g., for 5).

3. Exhale (e.g., for 8).

4. Ideally, repeat for at least 3-4 times

You can even add a brief pause between breaths for an extra relaxation boost.

Practice is key to reaping the benefits. Experiment with these techniques, and don't worry if it takes a little time to find your rhythm and preferences. That's perfectly fine! Just keep practicing.

The best part? Dedicate a few minutes each day to this practice, gradually working up to 10-15 minutes. The more you commit to it, the better you'll feel.

Try out these techniques and share your experiences in the comments below!