Exploring Internal Family Systems (IFS): A Gentle Path to Healing

—written by Rachel Morris

Have you ever felt like there are different parts of you that seem to be at odds? Maybe one part
wants to speak up, but another part holds you back out of fear. Or perhaps a part of you works
hard to keep everything together while another part just wants to rest. These experiences are
completely natural, and Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy offers a compassionate way to
explore them.

IFS is based on the understanding that we all have different "parts" within us, each with its own
role and purpose. At the center of it all is the Self—a core, undamaged part of us that holds
wisdom, confidence, and compassion. When we can connect with our Self, we can bring healing
and harmony to the different parts within us.

Understanding the Parts in IFS

IFS identifies three main types of parts:
1. Managers – These parts work hard to keep us safe, in control, and functioning well.
They often push us to be productive, avoid risks, or suppress difficult emotions. For
example, a manager part might remind you to always be polite or keep emotions hidden
to prevent vulnerability.
2. Firefighters – These parts jump into action when painful emotions begin to surface.
They try to “put out the fire” of distress through impulsive behaviors, such as overeating,
substance use, or distraction. While their intention is to protect, their methods can
sometimes lead to harm.
3. Exiles – These are the parts of us that carry deep pain, trauma, or feelings of
unworthiness. Because they hold such intense emotions, managers and firefighters work
hard to keep them hidden. However, exiles need attention, care, and healing in order to
release the burdens they carry.

At the heart of IFS is the Self—our true, compassionate, and wise center. The Self is not a part
but rather the core of who we are when we are unburdened by fear, shame, or the defenses of
our parts. When we are in Self, we embody what IFS calls the 8 Cs:
● Calmness – A sense of inner peace and steadiness
● Curiosity – A gentle, open-minded interest in our parts
● Clarity – Clear understanding without judgment
● Compassion – Deep care and kindness for ourselves and others
● Confidence – Trust in our own ability to navigate life
● Courage – Willingness to face difficult emotions or truths
● Creativity – The ability to approach problems with fresh ideas and openness
● Connectedness – A sense of belonging and relationship with others and ourselves

When we are Self-led, we approach our inner world with these qualities, creating a safe space
for healing and integration.

What Does IFS Therapy Look Like?

In an IFS session, the therapist gently guides you in exploring your internal world with curiosity
and care. You might be invited to notice a part of you that feels anxious or critical and get to
know it without judgment. As you develop a relationship with your parts, you begin to
understand why they behave the way they do and offer them the support they need.
Rather than pushing parts away or trying to change them, IFS helps you listen to them,
appreciate their role, and offer healing. Over time, exiles can unburden their pain, firefighters
can step back from extreme reactions, and managers can relax, knowing that the Self is in
charge.

Why Does IFS Work?

IFS is effective because it creates a sense of inner safety and self-compassion. Many of our
struggles come from internal conflicts, and IFS provides a framework to address them with
kindness rather than force. This approach works well for a variety of issues, including:
● Trauma
● Anxiety and depression
● Relationship difficulties
● Self-criticism and perfectionism
● Grief and loss

By embracing all parts of ourselves, we cultivate healing and wholeness. IFS isn’t about
eliminating parts—it’s about integrating them so that we can live with greater ease, authenticity,
and inner peace.

A Gentle Invitation to Self-Discovery

If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed by inner conflict or struggled to understand why certain patterns
keep repeating, IFS offers a compassionate way forward. With patience and self-compassion,
you can begin to listen to your parts, heal old wounds, and step into a more Self-led life.
Healing begins with curiosity, kindness, and a willingness to explore your inner world. You
already have everything you need within you—IFS simply helps you reconnect with it.

Still Have Curiosity About Internal Family Systems?
If you’re still curious about IFS, Rachel offers free 15-minute consultations for new clients.

Rachel also recommends the books Introduction to Internal Family Systems and No Bad Parts, both by
Richard Schwartz, the creator of IFS therapy.